Suggested plot for next season's "24":
Jack is out in the morning riding on his power mower when he accidentally shreds his wallet. The rest of his day is spent trying to replace his credit cards, driver's license, etc. He spends several hours at the L.A. DMV, reading magazines and watching TV in the waiting area. On his way home he is stopped by police and ends up spending a couple of hours cooling his heels in a jail cell. Kim bails him out, and they go to dinner at a fancy restaurant, but Jack has forgotten that he has shredded his plastic, and Kim has emptied out her bank account bailing Jack out of jail. So they spend a few hours in the kitchen, washing dishes.
Just think about it - the possiblilties are endless...
Suggestions for next season's "American Idol":
Well, the second time around the formula is getting a little stale, so here's some suggestions to spice things up.
1. A competition where the contestants have to sing with metal buckets placed over their heads.
2. A competition where the contestants are required to sing in a portable shower stall.
3. A competition where the contestants sing while hanging upside down in anti-gravity shoes.
4. A competition where the contestants sing after inhaling helium balloons.
5. A competition where the contestants are required to pantomime their song rather than sing it.
Here are some suggestions for celebrity judges:
1. Jimmy Webb (the contestant who winds up with "MacArthur Park" gets to dance during the long middle section)
2. Lee Hazelwood
3. Loggins and Messina
4. Billy Swan (can you imagine Josh Gracin singing "I Can Help"? Doesn't that make you just grit your teeth?)
and my choice for the "best" possible Amercian Idol celebrity judge:
5. Joni Mitchell ('You sang that just like shit stinks, Sister" she exhales noisily as her head is enveloped in a thick cloud of cigarette smoke...)
Uncle Dave Lewis
uncledavelewis@hotmail.com