The Latest DopeHere's the latest - I finally got into see my doctor today (HMO's are not noted for their prompt response to illness) and he looked at my ears. I have a raging ear infection. He gave me some new antibiotics and some stuff for my ears that has a little bit of an anesthetic in it to help dull the edge of the most extreme surges of pain. Let's hope this helps - I had to leave work early as I wasn't able to take the pain after he got done probing around in the left ear. I've been doing a lot of sleeping lately - it's about all I can stand to do, and barely that. Last night I hardly slept at all - just too much noise in my head.
However, on a lighter note, here is an operetta libretto I started before all of this misery began, and I hope you get a kick out of it:
Uncle Dave presents...
A Viennese Operetta for the 21st Century
Das Land der glücklichen Stierscheisse(The Land of Happy Bullsh*t)
Act One
The Land of Happy Bullsh*t is located in a little Alpine pass that travelers rarely encounter as it is so remote from the main ways through. There is no electricity and the people live on the land, the goods and livestock that they produce themselves. Life there is pretty much as it was in the 1880s - pestilence, politics and war have never come to haunt their little village. Most folks are so happy the never leave the Mountain pass, but those who do come back to visit during the Happy Bullsh*t Festival, held every five years.
Preparations are being made for the festival and we see silly Liesl, the butcher's wife, talking with Reinhard the Cooper (Barrel-maker).They are arguing about the status of their children in the outside world, a subject often taken up in the idle converstaion that typifies the Land of Happy Bullsh*t. Liesl says that her daughter is a judge,while Reinhard states that his son wrote to say he "made a killing in the market today" and that this means he has become a wealthy stockbroker.
Old Man Greis, who is the only negative sourpuss found in the Land of Happy Bullsh*t, butts in states with a wagging, bony finger that his grandson is a weapons designer who has developed a bomb that can kill them all. But no one takes much interest in Greis - he's always such a downer - and they go their merry way, finishing the preparations for the festival.
Act Two
The Festival begind with a parade of the out-of-towners into The Land of Happy Bullsh*t, only about a dozen people trickling down the mountainside from a horse-drawn wagon, the only means of conveyance to and from The Land of Happy Bullsh*t. There is a lot of time wasted here in dancing, singing and silly jokes told. Each out-of-towner is greeted by his or her relatives - some of the oldest citizens are past a 100 years of age.
Finally the truth is told about the various positions held by the folks who grown up and moved away from The Land of Happy Bullsh*t. Liesl's daughter, it turns out, has served as a judge in a beauty pageant - in reality she is a student fashion designer. Everyone laughs at the mis-understanding. Indeed, it appears too that Reinhard was mistaken about his son's profession - he is not a stock broker, and his "killing in the market" was made as he is a fishmonger. This produces a big, deep belly laugh from everyone present.
But Old Man Greis wasn't mistaken about his Grandson's occupation - he is a renegade designer of nuclear weaponry who has broken with NATO and is now working for the Land of Unhappy Partitioned Isolationists. He states, "Here, let me show you all a sample of my latest work." He opens a suitcase, which explodes and blows everyone and everything in The Land of Happy Bullsh*t to Kingdom Come.
copyright 2005 Uncle Dave Lewis
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One of my favorite writers of Comedy is the late, great Micheal O'Donoghue who worked for National Lampoon and Saturday Night Live in its early days. I think he would have liked this one. - UDL
comments? write me at
udtv@yahoo.com